Published today: Steve Cuno's newest column in Swift, the newsletter of the James Randi Educational Foundation

A feature is an attribute. Like: “This pole is 11 feet long.” A benefit is what the feature does for you. Like: “Keeps you safe from cooties.”

You can identify a benefit by following the feature with the words “so that.” Say you want to sell parents on child immunizations. The feature by itself, “serum delivered by means of sticking a needle in your child’s arm,” is hardly compelling. But by adding “so that,” you might end up with, “…so that your child can escape pain and possible death from a horrible disease.” I don’t know about you, but I find that a bit more persuasive.

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"Last name?" asked the receptionist.

Knowing I'd have to spell it anyway, I said, "C-U-N-O."

She dug through a stack of printouts. "Steven?" she asked.

"Steve," I said.

She pointed to the printout. "Well, it says 'Steven' here."

I was a bit taken aback. "My mistake," I finally said. "For a moment, I thought I might know what I prefer to be called."

"Yeah," she said, the irony—OK, the sarcasm—clearly lost on her. "It's 'Steven.'"

I've been this organization's loyal customer for six years. Not because of great service at the reception desk.

—Steve Cuno
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Nike has a new spot with Tiger Woods. He stands there as the real, disembodied voice of his late father appears to chastise him. I’m not sure what the commercial will accomplish, nor can I fathom Nike’s objective. Click here to watch the commercial. Thoughts?
 
—Steve Cuno
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I will not market products that don't work. (At least, not knowingly. I have been duped—more on that in a moment.) That has meant saying NO to, and sometimes angering, prospective clients who were ready to spend.

Products that I have declined include: 

• Multi-level marketing schemes (also known as network marketing). To be clear, some are legit. But generally in MLM, the product is secondary; what's really for sale is the unattainable dream of quickly building a downline, getting rich quick, and quitting your day job after just a few months. The only people who get rich in these schemes are those who enroll in them early. Later enrollees are their prey.

• Alternative medicines and alleged nutritional products. Most are flimflam. If you don't believe me, read their disclaimers. Those that aren't flimflam can interfere with other medications and have side effects, so they should be used only under the supervision of a real doctor. (Note: a real doctor. Not a chiropractor, naturopath, acupuncturist, aura manipulator, psychic healer, etc.) Never mind the so-called clinical studies. If I wanted, I could produce a clinical study showing that listening to Prokofiev instead of Mozart will make you live longer. (Come to think of it, though that's not true, it should be.)

• Purported stock market prediction products/systems. They don't work. All they do is encourage people, many of whom can't afford to lose, to risk foolishly.

• Weight-loss hypnotherapy. There is still only one proven weight-loss method: eat less, eat smarter, and exercise more. Trouble is, there's not much money in that plan. No valid test has shown hypnosis to be of any effect.

• Astrology. It's bunk.

• A lobbying group that would scare the daylights out of anyone who thinks highly of the First Amendment.

• Subliminal self-improvement CDs. You know, the kind you play while you're asleep. Bogus.

I am sorry to say that, a few times, I have been duped into selling products which I later learned didn't work. Here are a few:

• Stock market prediction software. I took on this client before I knew better. They were great people, most of whom I think believed their product worked. Though, looking back, it is curious that no one in the company used the software to get rich—except by selling it.

• An antioxidant product. Never mind what you've read to the contrary. Antioxidants don't do anything but cost you money. I didn't know that at the time.

• A high-tech device. Devices of this type work. But, three years after the account moved to another agency, I learned that the engineers of this one had lied to me about their patented chip's advantages. Evaluating their claims required expertise and high-tech toys unavailable to me, so I believed the PhDs and wrote ads based on what they told me. I'm still mad. (I lack sufficient documentation to fend off a lawsuit, so for now I must be silent on the details.)

Thank goodness there are still plenty of legitimate products for my agency to sell. Otherwise, I'd have to return to my first job at age 16. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with busing tables at Denny's. It just wasn't the long-term career I wanted.

—Steve Cuno
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Beware statistics. Or at least beware how people wield them.

A friend was at work on a public service campaign aimed at meth abuse. Research had shown that young moms represented more addicts than any other demographic, and my friend's objective was to change that. I facetiously suggested that one way of attaining that objective would be to get other groups to increase their usage until it outstripped that of young moms.

As wisecracks often do, this one illustrates a problem. Statistics comparing where you are relative to where someone else is can be meaningless. A better question is, where are you relative to where you wish to be?

Utahans raise a fuss when they learn that their state spends less than any other per student on education. Yet by itself, this statistic isn't necessarily damning. If all other states suddenly dropped their spending to less than Utah's, would Utah's level of spending suddenly be OK? Never mind what other states spend. The real question is whether Utah spends enough, spends it wisely and spends it effectively. While I suspect the answer to all of the above is no, comparing Utah's spending to that of other states doesn't establish as much.

—Steve Cuno
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Published this week in Inside Direct Mail

Insisting that our markets accept responsibility for their buying decisions in no way alleviates us marketers of responsibility for how we use our marketing knowledge. 

The knowledge itself is neutral. Knowing that a P.S. in a sales letter pulls high readership does not make it immoral to put compelling copy points there, nor does knowing the power of limited-time incentive offers make it underhanded to use them. It is in the content of marketing that abuses can and do occur. 

To be sure, much if not the majority of today's direct response marketing is forthright and honorable. But some of it resorts, if not to out-and-out lies, to the classic subterfuge of stating what is technically true in a manner that is designed to mislead. Don't believe me? Consider the number of products that makes fantastic claims in body copy — which the fly type directly contradicts.  (To continue reading, click here.)
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Intuitive inklings may be good guides when buying a house or a car. But Steve Cuno thinks they can be disastrous when planning a campaign to launch a product or elect a politician.

Cuno, an author living in Sandy, has written Prove It Before You Promote It , which he says helps take the guesswork out of marketing.

The 230-page book, published last year by John Wiley & Sons, is "brilliant," said Alan Rosenspan, a former creative director at advertising giant Ogilvy & Mather.

"The book is engagingly written and includes key summary points in every chapter, which are a great guide for every advertiser," Rosenspan said in an e-mail. (Click here to read the Salt Lake Tribune article.)
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