In hopes of selling more shampoo to women, Procter & Gamble is conducting research to learn the emotional implications of a bad hair day. Honest. I’m not making this up.

So far, researchers report that bad hair days make women feel “ashamed,” “nervous,” “guilty” or “jittery.” And a good hair day makes them feel “excited,” “proud” and “interested.”

Some funny things about research like that:

1) P&G spent godknowshowmuch on interviewing thousands of women, and that’s what they have to show for it?

2) Words like “ashamed,” “nervous,” “guilty” and “jittery” have such broad application, you would be hard-pressed to prove them wrong. What you can’t disprove, you can’t prove; and when you can’t disprove or prove something, you don’t know if it’s right or wrong. Not the best basis for an expensive ad campaign.

3) The research is based on the underlying assumption that there really is such a thing as a bad hair day. Maybe it’s just an expression. While they’re at it, perhaps P&G should research the emotional implications of getting out of the wrong side of the bed.

There is a better, more reliable way to find out how to sell shampoo. Don’t ask women to tell you what they’ll buy; let them show you. That is, test some approaches and watch what happens. Duh.

—Steve Cuno

Today I received a concert catalog from an auditorium of which I’m a regular. I went giddy with joy upon finding the page promoting a Wynton Marsalis appearance, scheduled for February 2011. Giddy enough, in fact, that my eyes flew to the bottom of the page for a phone number or website, because I simply had to buy two tickets right now, here, today, this instant. 

Guess what. No such information was there. To order, I had to dig. And dig. I finally found the order form a couple of pages in from the back cover. The creative team had done a good job of hiding ordering information in the last place any rational person would look for it. They also did a good job of printing it on glossy stock that is impervious to most pens.

Don’t make readers work to buy from your catalog, because most readers won’t. Don’t send them hunting for an order page. Don’t even make them leave the page they’re on. Put a phone number and web address right where they look for it: at the bottom of every page, or at least at the bottom right of every spread. 

It’s still a good idea to have an order form. If you’re saddle-stitching, make it the center spread so the catalog opens naturally to it. For perfect binding, printing it on thicker stock will provide the same effect. And for heaven’s sake, use uncoated paper so people can write on it.

A huge Marsalis fan, I was motivated to brave overwhelming odds for the privilege of parting with not a small amount of cash. Less dedicated shoppers give in to inertia, which means that if you make buying hard, you will lose sales. This is according to a rare thing in the marketing business known as “common sense.”

—Steve Cuno

I have been known to define marketing as “discovering and filling wants and needs.” No one is better at it than McDonald’s. Consider how adeptly they have adapted their menu to evolving demand — all while hanging onto their core. 

Their swift response to the growing high-end drink market is a good example. McDonald’s is now a viable destination for decent coffee, lattes and smoothies. Apologies to connoisseurs who take exception to my describing their coffee as “decent.” 

—Steve Cuno

After months of planning, we have launched the “Combo of the Month Club,” a loyalty strategy for a restaurant chain with the alleged good fortune to be one of our clients. I am pleased to report that people are gleefully signing up, and in much greater numbers than we’d anticipated.

We designed the Club to give members an incentive to visit the restaurants more often and to try new menu items. That much alone should both pay for the program and increase incremental sales and, therefore, profits.

Better still, the program enables us to collect names, birth dates, addresses and email addresses of people who like the chain and have expressed a willingness to interact. That means our client can send messages straight to the very people most likely to want them.

—Steve Cuno

You can’t buy a little of anything at Costco. Thus I have enough Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce to last me well into the next century. 

But alas, I yearned to return to the flavor of my favorite, Jack Daniel’s No. 7. So last week I just said “no” to the Sunk Cost Fallacy and picked up a bottle of JD despite my ample SBR reserve.

Then I thought, why not conduct my own taste comparison test? I poured like amounts of JD and SBR onto separate spoons. Then the phone rang, which was a good thing, since by the time I returned from the call, I couldn’t remember which spoon was which. 

I tasted one. Then the other. Then the other, then the one. Results? Drum roll, please...

I couldn’t taste a difference. At all. Your palate may be more discerning, but according to mine, JD and SBR might as well be the same product.

But here’s the funny thing: I still like JD better.

There you have an illustration of the power of branding. At least as it applies to a nincompoop like me.

—Steve Cuno

An international magazine offered three subscription options. Option A: For a modest price, you could have the online edition. Option B: For about twice as much, you could have the printed edition instead. Option C: For the same price as the printed edition alone, you could have both the printed and online edition.
 
If you think that no fool would choose Option B, you will be pleased to know that no fool is likely to. Yet to accuse Option B of pulling zero response would be inaccurate. According to one test, it more than pulls its weight. Just not in the way you might expect ... (Click here now to read the rest of this article)

The coach of Argentina’s national team promised to run naked through the streets of Buenos Aires if his squad wins the World Cup. Advertising Age reports that Pepsi has now pledged to go naked, too: for a week, they’ll package their product in label-less bottles.

—Steve Cuno

I did it again.

I just declined a prospective client. With it, I passed on a chance to make a few thousand dollars.

The would-be client sells a get-rich-quick “system.” Their marketing parades the exceptions who made money using it, while, of course, ignoring the majority who earned nothing or even lost money. To be sure, their business is legal. It’s just that, in practice, it is an utter scam. Any company that fails to deliver on its principal promise 99 out of 100 times is a scam. Period.

As I have often argued in this blog, I think it’s important for us marketers to be selective about the products we agree to promote.

—Steve Cuno

The current issue of Forbes features an article listing the top 25 taglines — or slogans — of all time. BMW’s  “The Ultimate Driving Machine” came in first, followed by Nike’s “Just Do It" and Apple’s “Think Different.” 

Ten “chief marketing officers and ad experts” did the ranking. 

Now if only it meant anything.

Ever since the introduction of the Clios and other awards shows, the ad industry has largely held that so-called experts, not results, judge advertising. Amazingly, their clients believe them. After all, what do results show? If clueless customers keep their wallets stubbornly shut, well, so what. The experts know what’s good, even when the market doesn’t. Right?

Balderdash. Advertising that attains its objective is good. Advertising that doesn't is bad. Even if it's creative. Even if you, I or the CEO’s spouse loves it. Even if ten chief marketing officers and ad experts assure us that it’s good.

Know what really hurts? I could deliver a full campaign — complete with measurable results — for a fraction of what mega agencies charge for coming up with cutesy lines. 

Since marketing is about selling your customers what they want to buy, I suppose big agencies are doing exactly what their big clients want them to do. Sounds to me like someone needs to knock a few big clients upside the head.

—Steve Cuno

Yesterday General Motors told dealers to stop saying “Chevy.” It’s “Chevrolet,” thank you very much.

Let’s see. A fond public gives you an endearing nickname. It becomes one of the world’s best known, with a positive connotation to boot. Now you have a choice. You can capitalize on the nickname … or hold out for the stuffy, formal name that nobody uses. Would you choose the latter?

Stuffiness is rarely smart marketing. That’s why I don’t insist my clients stop calling me “Steve” and use “Mr. Cuno.” It’s also why Federal Express, Coca-Cola, Nickelodeon and Budweiser willingly accept “FedEx,” Coke,” “Nick,” and “Bud.” 

Nor is it smart to deny the public what they want. If people want to call you “Chevy,” for heaven’s sake let them.

The Mormon Church’s official name isn’t “The Mormon Church.” The public gave them that nickname. It has been perceived at times as negative, and at times as positive, but either way it has stuck for nearly two centuries. About 10 years ago, the church tried to rid themselves of it. It proved a losing battle. This year, they gave in and returned to accepting the name for informal use. Wise. I bet GM will end up doing the same with “Chevy.”

When the public gives you a nickname, it is an opportunity. Behave admirably, and the name might even garner a positive connotation. 

—Steve Cuno