USA Today has a new plan to increase space sales to advertisers. In ads targeting corporate marketing decision makers and ad agencies, they're going to feature the tagline, "What America wants."

Geeze, that changes everything. Imagine all the holdouts who, as a result of reading that line, will run ads in USA Today henceforth.

—Steve Cuno
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I just heard a radio spot for a car dealer where the announcer said, "We don't treat you like a number." Come on, writers, think these things through. When was the last time you overhead someone say, "I'd like to buy a car, but I yearn for a dealer that doesn't treat me like a number." Or, when was the last time you overhead someone say, "They don't treat me like a number? I'm going there to buy a car right now!"

—Steve Cuno
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I was troubled when I heard two leaps, each made by a scientist, on NPR over the weekend. 

One scientist cited a 2008 pre-election study in which American voters unconsciously rated Tony Blair as  "more American" than Barack Obama. (How they revealed the alleged unconscious choice wasn't clear from the interview.) The researcher blamed race. Maybe, but there are other possibilities. Here's one: Tony Blair was George Bush's ally; perhaps the results merely revealed loyalty to Bush. The other scientist cited a study in which diners tipped more generously when servers repeated orders back to them verbatim. He concluded that mimicking was causal. Maybe, but again, there are other possibilities. Here's one: perhaps repeating the order increases diners' confidence that the server won't screw up the order, and that leads them to tip better. 

Responsible scientists acknowledge their own fallibility and guard against leaping to conclusions. That's why double and triple blind tests, replication, peer review, and tests that eliminate other possibilities are hallmarks of the scientific process.

Marketers who discipline themselves in the same way are more likely to learn what works. But even marketers with the best intentions are subject to the guile of self-serving conclusions. When sales go up during an ad campaign, the account manager, media planner, creative director, writer and art director will be prone to give the credit to, respectively, strategy, targeting, concept, copy and design. Who knows. Maybe an interior designer will say that the wallpaper he or she picked out for the conference room provided the inspiration for the winning campaign.

So here's an exercise for you. Gas mask sales rose in the months following September, 2001. Outside of strategy, targeting, concept, copy, design and wallpaper ... can you think of any other possible causes?

—Steve Cuno

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Thomas wrote today with a great question about lumpy ("dimensional," for you purists) direct mail: 

I am new to the marketing and promo business and I read with much interest the article on Lumpy Mail: An Engine for Lead Generation. I enjoy creating ideas and programs such as this and have already learned from you in this article. I do have one question that I hope you can shed some light on. When you send an item, to the extent that it lends itself to it do you use a printed item or a blank item and just let the item and letter do the talking. For instance, the hockey puck or volleyball. Did you have that printed with your clients information (i.e. name, message, etc)? Thanks for the time and any other hints that you might kick back to me are much appreciated. 

 My reply:  

Glad you liked the article, and thanks for writing. I avoid printing on the enclosed item. That way, the item creates more curiosity, leading recipients to read the sales letter. The moment you print anything on the item, even your company name, it begins to look like a promotional item whose job is to put your name in front of someone, thus reducing the curiosity factor. 

Another mistake to avoid is what I call a "payoff headline." Placing an item in a box with a great headline on the outside is good. Putting a headline inside that gives away your message is bad. Suppose, for instance, that you enclose a tennis ball. A good headline on the outside of the box might be, "WHACK! (Details inside.)" But if on the inside of the box lid you print, "We could make a great match," you've just alleviated any need to read the letter. (Not to mention the fact that wimpy puns like that make for awful strategy.) 

For examples of well-crafted (if I say so myself) lumpy mail letters, click here. Clicking on any of the images will bring up the letter so you can read it. 

 Followup from Thomas: 

One last question if you don't mind. Where do I find postal regulation or guideline related to mailing "lumpy mail" or is all of it contained in a box or envelope as a standard piece of mail. The reason that I ask is that years ago I received a tennis shoe in the mail. It had a mailing tag attached with a postage label on it though it was not "packaged" in any way. Anything you can add to this is much appreciated. 

 My reply: 

My experience has been that you can address, stamp and mail just about anything, as long as it's non-hazardous and not likely to fall apart en route. You also need to watch for state regs. For instance, sending produce to California or Hawaii is tricky, and sending alcohol to Utah is flat-out illegal. It's always wise to check in advance with a business mail specialist at your main Post Office. They won't guarantee their answer, but it's usually reliable. You may have noticed that we mailed the volleyball without a box. We just shrink-wrapped an addressed envelope to the ball. We did the same thing some years earlier when we mailed frisbees for Wells Fargo. Each time, however, I called my USPS rep be sure it would be OK. (I pity the letter carriers who had oodles of volleyballs rolling around in the back of the truck, much less had to carry them from office to office.) 

 —Steve Cuno
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I write a column for Swift, the newsletter of the James Randi Educational Foundation. Not a few of those readers recoil at the very mention of the word marketer. 

I have to admit, there are times I don't blame them. Every day, I see marketing practices that make me wince.

Not all. Marketing, like any discipline, can be used for good or bad, and for purposes landing in-between. Clearly at the end labeled "good" are campaigns urging people not to smoke. I'd also say that keeping the economy going—within reason—is a good thing. Honestly promoting product benefits so that consumers make informed choices is a good thing, too. Plus, evidence shows that international trade, which marketing fuels, is the best war-prevention program humanity has ever devised. 

We might argue over where on the continuum to place marketing that urges people to buy what they don't need, to choose the more costly brand, or to replace a car, cell phone or wardrobe when the old one still serves.

But some marketing activities land clearly at the polarity marked BAD. Shall I list a few? 

• Health products, claims and treatments that don't work. They hurt people by inflicting direct harm, or by lulling them from seeking real treatment for a serious condition. These include homeopathy, chiropractic, acupuncture, wrist magnets, most so-called "alternative" medical preparations (you know, the ones that "Big Pharma" and "Big Medicine" supposedly "don't want you to know about"), faith healing, misinformation spread by the likes of Kevin Trudeau, Suzanne Sommers and Jenny McCarthy.

• Products that don't work and can hurt people financially. Examples include: nonsense from the likes of (once again) Kevin Trudeau (he gets around), stock market prediction books and software, carefully worded (so as to be legal, yet still deceptive) investment schemes, most multi-level marketing schemes.

• Products that are pure flimflam, like psychic hotlines and religious scams.

• Carefully worded claims defended by bogus studies. As I've written elsewhere, I can cook up a study showing that hiring the RESPONSE Agency lowers your risk of cancer.

• Clintonian lies, defined as "technically accurate but designed to mislead." Examples: A recent promotion for new cars for just $88 down and $88 per month. Yeah, right, as long as you don't read the small type. After three months, the payments rocket up to cover what you didn't pay during that time, and to cost you a good deal more than market rates. Or weight loss products which, in the small type, tell you that their claims are "not typical" and that they only work when you diet and exercise (which means the product is moot). Or, until recently, credit card issuers that took you unawares with default rates and other abuses. Or, so-called free samples given only after you surrender a credit card number, later to find you're getting and being billed for shipments after the free one.

• Out-and-out lying. Going out of business! The world's best! Never undersold! 

• Making things look better than they really are. Gray area here, I admit. But we all know what it’s like to make a purchase only to find that the product isn’t what was conveyed. Marketers who do that don’t do it by accident.

What have I left out? Readers, please click COMMENTS (above) and add your own. And, please reward honest marketers with your business, and withhold it from those who abuse your trust.
 
Marketers, there are plenty of worthy products and causes out there to focus our talents on. Let's not stoop. 

—Steve Cuno
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Steve Cuno's latest Deliver article

I cringed when I read an article on how to launch a successful business. The author claimed that after deciding upon a product or service, the next most important step was to come up with a “catchy slogan.” The article appeared in a national magazine. Heaven only knows how many more lame slogans you and I will have to endure as a result.

To be fair, there are good slogans. It’s hard to argue with… (click here to read the rest)
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Kudos to the billboard company that made—and fixed—a mistake on one of our campaigns.

Yesterday we hopped in the car for a look at the newly posted billboards we designed for our client. The first board we checked looked fine, except for one small detail. The billboard company had posted the top half of our design at the bottom and the bottom half at the top. Which meant, to anyone driving by, the board wouldn't make much sense.

We called our billboard rep. His response? Chagrin, an apology, and "I'll take care of it." No excuses. No "you gotta unnerstan my position.” 
 
Anyone can goof. It takes a professional to own and fix it. By admitting and taking care of the mistake, our rep earned our trust. We won't hesitate to work with him again.

How refreshing.

—Steve Cuno.
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An honest apology is a wonderful thing. It is also rare. Whether the fesser-upper is a private citizen, public figure or corporate entity, you almost never hear "I blew it, I'm sorry, and here's what I'm doing to make amends." More often you hear something passively self-excusing, like, "…if mistakes were made, we are truly sorry," or something that, in the guise of an apology, attempts to shift blame, like, "We're sorry people reacted in that way."

So I prepared to cheer when a new Toyota TV spot opened with a statement about their having learned a valuable lesson. But the cheer died on my lips when, instead of admitting faults and enumerating how Toyota would set things right, the spot told viewers to visit their local dealer to learn more. 

Visit a dealer to see how sorry they are? Come on. When I make a mistake—an activity with which I am not unacquainted—I don't send a message saying, "To see how I've changed, come see me." I show up, in person, on bended knee, and disclose.
 
For Toyota to ask the market to make a trip to their turf and offer to listen while they plead their case is a foolish display of unconscionable arrogance. 

—Steve Cuno
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Want customers to take immediate action? Offer something free.  

Today I received a B2B email from DataPartners offering me a free $15 Starbucks gift card if I would take their survey. I have ignored other emails from them. Not this one. I took the survey. 

Of course, to receive my gift card, I had to give up my address. I was in their database before but, having responded to this offer, now I'm really in it. Fully aware of that consequence, I acted anyway. 

And, funny thing. Completing the survey led me to think a little deeper about our data needs and how DataPartners could help us. So now there’s a chance I'll do business with them.

The old "act now and get this free gift" strategy still works. Don't try telling me that your customers are "too sophisticated to fall for that." The higher your customer registers on the education-income continuum, the better free offers work. This hasn't changed in over 100 years.
 
 (If you’re a viable prospect for data services and you want to hear from DataPartners, you can take the survey by clicking here. Please don’t take advantage of their offer if you’re not a viable prospect and you just want the coffee.)
 
--Steve Cuno
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On Sunday, gun rights activists marched into a Virginia Starbucks wearing plainly visible guns. They hoped to provoke Starbucks into tossing them out so that they could raise a First Amendment fuss.

Starbucks ignored them.

That was smart PR by Starbucks. Staying out of a fray takes vision, smarts and guts. And, that was bad PR by gun rights activists. The public is less likely to agree you're being picked on when you go around provoking confrontations.

(Click here to read the NPR story.)

Steve Cuno
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