I recently stumbled upon research that reveals an interesting human quirk. It seems that when one person disparages another, most listeners attribute the alleged bad qualities to the person doing the disparaging, and not to the person being disparaged. 

The RESPONSE Agency has a business relationship with a fellow who is perfectly professional, except: whenever he calls on us, he takes a moment to disparage his former-partner-now-competitor. For all I know, his observations are accurate. Yet in bringing them up, he only makes himself look small. Which is a shame, since I personally happen to know that he is anything but.

Not that I am a shining example of restraint. Having been betrayed and screwed by the best of them — people no one would imagine capable of dishonesty — I too have been guilty of saying too much too often. In the act, I have come across as unprofessional, and the whining proved counterproductive.

There are times to speak up, and times to rein in the old tongue. I don’t know about you, but I’m still working on knowing which time is which.

—Steve Cuno