Too many CEOs think that a public relations department’s job is to spin a decision, action, statement, or policy so that the public will like it, not notice it, or, at least, not dislike it.

Sometimes that is needful. More often, it only makes a scapegoat of the PR department after some moronic corporate action has blown up beyond recovery.

An effective PR department should have the savvy* and wherewithal, and you must ensure them access to you and immunity from your umbrage, to warn you before you do something irreparably stupid. Else, you deprive yourself of a valuable opportunity to keep your foot out of your mouth in the first place.

Myriad bad examples abound. I could cite one that popped up in my home town not two days ago, but I’d rather share a positive example and, happily, I happen to have one. 

One of my clients, a multi-state operation, had been taking a beating in the press. (Between you and me, it was deserved.) Over lunch, their marketing VP told me they were going to pull all of their advertising from a TV station that had been particularly aggressive in exposing them.

I am not a PR person, but I didn’t get to be good at marketing by not understanding a thing or two about how minds work. I said, “The station is portraying you as a big, powerful, heartless corporation. What you propose will validate that and elevate them to martyr status. On tonight’s news, they will accuse your giant corporation of using economic pressure to keep brave reporters from telling the truth about you.”

The marketing VP returned to headquarters and convinced the CEO not to pull their advertising.

• How do you screen for savvy? I have seen more than my share of PR and marketing “professionals” who, not knowing their right hand from their left, float awful ideas and kill great ones. A good starting point is to look for PR and marketing people who rely more on evidence than on gut. Good luck finding them. When you do, swoop them up and pay them too much to want to leave.

Dear BusinessMAN:

I appreciate it when you send a potential client my way. But I cringe if you happen to add anything to the effect of, “She’s a hottie.”

I’m not asking you not to be human, not to notice a pleasing appearance. I am asking you to keep the observation to yourself. 

She is a professional. So am I. I intend to interact with her on that basis. When you tell me where she registers on your Personal Hotness Meter, you do her an injustice. You do me one, too. For that matter, you demean yourself.

This is the 21st Century. We have all had ample time to learn to do better.

Kindest regards,
Steve Cuno

For some 20 years, suitors assailed the tiny bread, sandwich, and dessert shop Village Baker with franchising proposals.

I do mean tiny. The original shop in the Salt Lake City suburb of West Jordan has no seating. You order at the counter, wait, grab, and leave. This dissuades no one. Hungry customers, eager to spend, mob the place daily.

Who wouldn’t want a shot at franchising that?

Alas, none could catch the fancy of founder and owner Worth McCleery. Until, that is, the father-son team of Lee and David Boardman with partner Dow Jones* came along and struck a deal. Now there’s a second location,** this one boasting a dining room that has already proved too small, with more locations on the drawing board.

... the company that sent me a postcard with the headline that screams, “Who are we?” 

(In a rare fit of mercy, I shall withhold their name.)

The subheads are no better: 

     “What do we do?” 
     “How do we do it?” 
     “What’s the benefit?” 

Holy smokes, if they don’t know, I’m afraid I can’t help them.

Here’s a bit of free advice. Eighty percent of postcard recipients read only the headline. This is your opportunity to hook readers with an irresistible benefit. A headline asking a question that communicates nothing at all wastes 80 cents out of every dollar spent on printing and postage. As for the 20 percent who may read a bit more, well, the rest of the postcard is no more compelling than the headline and subheads.

Speaking of which, here is ...

... More free advice. Phrases like “high-level expertise,” “provide you with more time,” “we partner with our clients,” “enhance your business’s efficiency and effectiveness,” etc., etc., also say nothing at all. 

Final free advice. Make your writer think harder. Try writing from the point of view of what matters to potential customers, rather than from the point of view of what your company wants to say about itself.

When restaurateurs retain us, I ask, “What is it about your place that brings people in?” Invariably the answer is, “Our food.”

Wrong.

The number one driver of a restaurant’s business is its location. Your place needs to be easy to see from the road, in fact, impossible to miss, even to those not looking for it. It should be where there is plenty of customer traffic. It should be easy to get in and out of. Ideally, you should plop it down near other, successful restaurants. There are three reasons for this. One is that many people choose a restaurant by going where there are lots of them and then deciding which one appeals. That’s the idea behind food courts in malls. Another is that when competing places fill up, you’ll get some of their overflow. Still another is that, because location matters, successful restaurants nearby speak well for that spot. The logic on that last one isn’t as circular as it may at first appear.

The number two driver is the experience you create for your customers. The food is, of course, part of the experience, but the first thing customers “taste” is the look and feel of the place: theme, lighting, interior design, menu layout, cleanliness, service, the appearance and manners of your people, and presentation. Customers taste with their other senses long before your cuisine sets foot in their mouth. The more visceral appeal your place has, the better the food will taste. Menu hint: Food photography is an art. If you can’t afford a pro, doing without photography is usually better than doing your own.

Food comes in third, but it’s not as important a third as you think, and your food is probably not as exceptional as you think. People frequent places where location and ambience offer great appeal while the food is mediocre. To name a few: Cracker Barrel, Old Spaghetti Factory, Cheesecake Factory, Chili’s, California Pizza Kitchen, Applebee’s. None of these has great food. Meanwhile, restaurants with superior fare but a poor location and less thought to the experience have gone under.

If you have a lousy location and little distinguishing ambience, you’re not necessarily doomed. It’s just that one dilly of an uphill battle awaits you.

Here’s a hint: Before you open a restaurant where another has failed, make sure that the location wasn’t the chief culprit. And before you get to making recipes, remember that your real product is a place with the kind of look and feel that people enjoy.

—Steve Cuno

*Remember to omit the letter n from restaurant when you render it restaurateur. Most people misspell and mispronounce it.